


i was nervous from the start (that our muscles might tear us apart)

by bloomings



Category: ONEUS (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Friendship, M/M, Pre-Relationship, a lot of thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-05
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-11-12 05:44:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18004958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloomings/pseuds/bloomings
Summary: Dongju, Geonhak learns really quickly, is sharp.  He has the looks of the quintessential baby brother, makes Geonhak want to soothe him and pamper him.  But Dongju bites back. At times literally.Where Geonhak ventures, braves, soft touches, quiet words, Dongju snaps back.  Geonhak should be discouraged, he thinks, when Dongju keeps pushing him away, meanly jabbing at him.But Geonhak has also learned something new from all of this.Sometimes, enough times that it keeps him waiting for the next and the next, Dongju coddles him back.





	i was nervous from the start (that our muscles might tear us apart)

Geonhak has met a lot of people.  In the times in and out of trainee life, he’s dealt with all kinds of tempers, dispositions, attitudes.

When Youngjo had called him about an audition,  _ one last audition, please _ , he had hesitated, but out of all his fears, all the thoughts suddenly rushing to him, this hadn’t really been something that had occurred to him.

He finds a familiarity, a comfort, with Youngjo.  He knows how the other is, knows what to expect, what to give and what to take.  He falls back into him like a routine. Like he’s never been gone and him and Youngjo are still new trainees, wishing the entire world for themselves.  

And then he has to show his face for the first time, meet an audience he has never faced before.  Wonders very briefly how many of those hearts, of those views are people who have been following him in his  _ extensive trainee career _ .  He gives Youngjo a nervous fleeting glance.  And Youngjo smiles at him and Geonhak really can’t help smiling back, watery and unsure but better.

It all makes sense like this, Geonhak thinks he can do this if Youngjo is there, a comfortable presence.

But that’s not really the problem, he thinks.  Watching Youngjo, his friend,  _ enemy _ , of many years laughing, smiling.  So open, so willing to let others reach him.  

It’s different.  

How easy he makes it seem, how he thinks about just how long Youngjo has known the other trainees and it’s been  _ months _ ,  _ only months _ .  Geonhak has spent more months, years, waiting for his ill promised turn than Youngjo has known these kids.  

But Keonhee’s smile is easy, wide and spreading slowly, sweetly like honey.  Like the one Geonhak used to eat in the summer when he was younger. It wears him down, how Hwanwoong looks so disinterested but he finds him standing closer and closer until Hwanwoong is somehow getting Geonhak to comfort him.  His arms finding it way too easy to hold on to the younger boy, letting him, indulging him, in holding him back in small bursts of affection. And he finds himself looking for, maybe even liking, the constant chatter from Seoho, who he used to know briefly as Gunmin, and how it’s just loud enough, to push away all the strange thoughts, all the sour feelings he’s been pushing back for years.

It becomes just a little bit easier like that.  But he still holds off. Geonhak bites his tongue, watches more than anything, as these group of boys grow, overlap with each other.  How much they make sense. 

Dongju is most definitely something else altogether.  Because he still has baby fat cushioning his face but his voice is deep, and he keeps hearing from the others how much he’s grown, smile pleased at the comments.  

He wanted to be an actor, it’s hard not to know.  But it was a dead end.

Geonhak is all too familiar with dead ends.  He’s spend years fruitlessly butting his head against them.

Dongju has big eyes, Geonhak notices them first, how expressive they are, not quite so good at keeping secrets.  

Dongju looks at him the first time he walks into the practice room, ducking his head in a premature greeting.  Youngjo is there, smiling at him, pleased, friendly.

But his eyes flicker at the curious expression from Dongju, who looks at him for way too long of a time.

They share an awkward first smile, a grimace, when they shake hands, he faintly hears himself tell the younger to call him  _ hyung _ .  They’ll be stuck together for a while anyway.  If it all goes well.

-

Dongju, Geonhak learns really quickly, is sharp.  He has the looks of the quintessential baby brother, makes Geonhak want to soothe him and pamper him.  But Dongju bites back. At times  _ literally _ .

Where Geonhak ventures, braves, soft touches, quiet words, Dongju snaps back.  Geonhak should be discouraged, he thinks, when Dongju keeps pushing him away, meanly jabbing at him.  

But Geonhak has also learned something new from all of this.

Sometimes, enough times that it keeps him waiting for the next and the next, Dongju coddles him back.   

Tiny, small, easily glossed over actions from the younger boy.  When the cameras are away, when the attention from the other boys wavers, Dongju reaches for him, hands sure in what they want from Geonhak.  Closeness and warmth that he obviously misses and needs.

It’s a bit of a whiplash, how quick Dongju goes between closed off and searching.  When Geonhak watches him, looks at the way he treats the others, he doesn’t understand why.

He’s not a total pushover.  Like Youngjo who confesses and wears his love on his sleeve, hoping endlessly that someone will answer him.  Or like Seoho who smiles and is easy going but freezes at the idea of public affection. 

And yet they both receive Dongju’s attention unabashedly.

Geonhak bites his tongue, even if he so badly wants to know  _ why _ Dongju only gives in to him when no one is around.

The push-pull of holding hands when no one is around and getting a shove as soon as a camera is given to them.

Geonhak  _ knows _ , by the knowing glances and the teasing, that he yields t _ oo quickly, too frequently _ to the youngest of the group.  That maybe he  _ is _ a pushover when it comes to Dongju.  He really can’t understand why he wants Dongju to push past his built up walls, why he really can’t help how wide his smile spreads when Dongju smiles at him first.

He’s clinging to so little, but Geonhak has learned to live off crumbs, to hopes and promises stretched thin over years and years of no resolution.  The gentle touches that Dongju presses hesitantly to the places he’s hurt in his outbursts, the tell-tale promises of  _ I don’t hate you, ok? _

At night when Dongju steals away his warmth and Geonhak is left shivering in the mornings.

He likes that, because it means Dongju was there, that Dongju has taken from him.  And he’ll come back and give something back. 

It’s volatile, it’s an uneasy outcome to predict.  

But,

Geonhak likes the predictability of it all, of Dongju.

**Author's Note:**

> find me/talk to me about this fic or other fics or give me ideas/prompts/talk to me about onewe and oneus (if you wanna) on my [twitter](https://twitter.com/bIoomingly) / [cc](https://curiouscat.me/bloomings)
> 
> thanks for supporting my journey to write more fic for these two fandoms lol


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